Perfect Boy Part Two

This is part two of a guest post written by Lisa Kallas, over at Sugar Loaf Dreams. Click here to view her blog.

 

Oh hi! Where did I leave you? Oh yes bullying……I won’t go into that too much as it could be a whole
post just on itself. Needless to say it was ongoing, physically, verbally and emotionally and it was relentless. The children, their parents and in their own way the teachers. No of course they weren’t bullying as such but back then they weren’t taught how to teach these children. So many of his teachers just put him in the too hard basket as they didn’t know what else to do.

So this takes us to when he was around 7 and our first encounter with a child psychiatrist. You see this was
when he first mentioned suicide to me. Yes you heard me correctly. My little boy, my tortured little soul, now what?

According to the psychiatrist it was a combination of the bullying, the feeling of being let down by his
teachers and the inability to understand and cope with what was happening inside his own head.

He suggested at that time that he also thought there was more going on than just the ADHD and sent us to a
specialist that dealt in multiple diagnosis. As I said….I always knew there was more going on in there than just the ADHD.

So off to the new specialist we went. I liked him immediately, he was great with Michael and certainly didn’t
pull any punches with me. We endured a barrage of testing……with medication, without medication, scans, written, reading and verbal testing. You have to remember he was 7, it’s hard to get all the results required in one or two tests.

A new diagnosis…….no doubts about the ADHD and he classed that as severe but my beautiful boy also had
rapid cycling Bi Polar. Are you sure? 99.9% based on all the relevant tests and results. OK so now we start an additional medication for that as well as his ADHD meds and regular council ling.

So life goes along…. I wish I could say with this new found information and treatment things made a vast
improvement, but they didn’t. He was still being bullied at school, still misbehaving constantly at home, still violent towards his big sister, destructive of anything that was in his way at home. Oh and even though he was now sleeping through the night, that started just before his 5th birthday, finally, he would be awake til around 11 or 12 even at 7 and 8.

When I say behaviour at home I think I need to clarify.

From around the age of 3 I would wake every morning to food all over the floor. When I say food you have no idea. I wish I had photos of it but I don’t, this was way before the Iphone made it’s appearance. He would break eggs, pour milk, sugar, juice whatever he could get his hands on ALL over the kitchen floor. It got so bad that I ended up with chains and locks around the fridge and the pantry all the time. This was not only inconvenient it just wasn’t fair, especially for his sister that had to ask me to unlock them every time she wanted a drink or snack.

All knives and sharp objects were also locked away, not only to protect him but us too, as he was starting to become violent. And yet again frightening me with his behaviour.

Back to this multi dimensional specialist…….more testing, more medication changes, more questions and not that many answers. As I had been told before the more severe the ADHD the more chance of a co morbid condition…….after several consults with extra colleagues it was mentioned and suggested that he may also have Oppositional Disorder running alongside his ADHD in conjunction with his Bi Polar……… oh wow….life was really starting to get interestingly scary now!!!!! You need to remember he wasn’t even 10 years old. How did this happen, why as his mum can’t I make it go away? That’s our job to guide, raise and help our children. I was doing everything I possibly could but it just wasn’t good enough, I felt like such a failure as a parent…..but I would  get up every day and start again.

Actually that was one of the best pieces of advice I was ever given by a Doctor…..in time I have realised it wasn’t only right at the time but is right for any parent of any child, no matter how “perfect”……..No matter what the day brings, what disasters or indiscretions had occurred or how much damage was done that day……ALWAYS go to bed and wipe the slate clean. Get up the next day with no residual resentment or anger hungover from the day before. In a world of hell that builds and builds learning to let go was THE best things I was taught.

So here I am, a daughter with virtually no problems…..except for the stress having a little brother like she did, it naturally affected her, their relationship with each other and unfortunately at 26 and 24 it still does. As a mum, you can imagine how that still upsets me. My son was almost 10, I have been given all these diagnosis which was overwhelming to say the least but you know, I still thought there was something they were missing, but I wasn’t and am still not a Doctor, what would I know? Call it mothers
intuition if you like……it just kept niggling.

I’ve told you what school was like and friendships were very few and far between. Most “friends” were only so because of what they could get out of him. He would do whatever it took to gain friends, so he was a gullible scapegoat for
being set up and caught out in the end. For the so called friends this was very funny, for my boy it was heart wrenching. Not only did he get caught and punished, he also so his new “friends” disappear…..he was devastated and couldn’t quite understand what
had happened and no matter how hard you tried to make him understand they were only using him he was convinced in his own mind that they were real friends. Therefore he would try to move back into the peer group and be shunned and bullied. This pattern went on for many years through out school. As his mum who could unfortunately see the big picture, I did everything I could to help him understand gently……..it took many, many years and a lot more insight than what we had then.

Again, hindsight is a handy tool or it would be if it was only foresight.

The Blogger Tag.

Good morning-

I really love tag posts, and looking through A Beautiful Chaos, I came across the blogger tag, which you can view here. I wanted to do my own version, so here goes!

Why did you start blogging?

This is a question that I’ve been asked a few times now; the short version is that I was a lonely teenager-still am!-and having saved a clipping from SHOUT Magazine, I wanted “in”. And I set this blog up…

 

Who is your idol?

Jacqueline Kennedy.

 

If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live, and why?

Probably Amsterdam. The people there are so nice, I love the history, and there is seemingly fairly liberal attitudes.

 

What is your signature scent?

Wonderstruck by Taylor Swift.

 

What is your favourite makeup brand?

Probably Benecos, or maybe Miss Sporty. I have specific products I like, I don’t tend to go for brands-

 

What do you prefer, highstreet or highend fashion?

Highstreet, always! It’s in my budget, and lasts for a while. I love New Look, H&M, and other shops-so, Paperchase, etc.

 

What is your favourite song?
I have several: ‘Left Outside Alone’, ‘No Son Of Mine’, ‘Sultans Of Swing’, ‘Modern Times Rock ‘N’ Roll’, ‘All I Want Is You’, ‘Don’t Laugh At Me’, and more..
And your favourite Album?
Again, I have several; A 4 App, Coming Around Again, We Can’t Dance, A Kind Of Magic…
Which is your favourite: Facebook, twitter or instagram?
Twitter!
Which celebrity style inspires you?
Probably Anastacia; I love her tour jackets!
What has been your favourite holiday?
To the states.
I tag anyone who wishes to do this tag,
Lydia
XO

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I am pleased to announce that I am working with Basic Beauty Tools. If you go to their website via this link , and order the Spongedry, you can get an extra free foundation blender by adding under ‘Note To Seller’ your colour code: LYDIAPINK for pink, LYDIAPURPLE for purple, and LYDIABLACK for black.

 

Personalised Toad Diaries: Review. 

For a little while now, I’ve been looking for a new planner; the A5 organised I bought from Paperchase was just way too big and cumbersome. The bullet journal (a notebook also from Paperchase) became too messy for me to bare. Toad Diaries have been round on the blogosphere for a while now; so I ordered one, and it arrived in the mail.

The product itself:

What I really liked about Toad Diaries is that it’s very customisable, but to only a certain extent.   Personalisation had gotten in the way of my other planners, so it was good to just take a step back. You can choose the size, what the diary is for, colour, whether or not it’s spiral bound, pattern, layout, and back and front. The second line just sums me up-yes, I am a blogger, a columnist, a freelancer. ‘Aspie’ means Aspergers Sydrome.


You can also choose what you’d like on the back. I had to choose an Anastacia lyric; one of my main faults is that I can be too negative, prone to listening to people who wish to knock me back. As a planner, I really like this diary for the clean, neat layout. It makes me feel better about myself by looking at it.. It also has a contact page, personal information, notable dates, current and next year planners, and a notes section… For all of these added extras, it’s considerablely cheap, yet it has high quality. The paper is also thick enough that not much ink goes through.

Packaging:

I was also really satisfied with the brand, because it took the environment (indirectly) it to consideration. Although not deliberate, as I couldn’t find a disclaimer on their website, they limited their packaging. There wasn’t a lot of padding, there wasn’t much tape…all fine by me. As a writer, I do feel guilty at times, in that I’m aware of how much paper I’m using at any given time. It arrived without any scratches, dents, etc.

Feedback:

With any brand that I post about, I do try to give feedback; in doing so makes a business better, right? I did feel at times that the pages were a little bit too big; their edges would scrunch under the spiral, making a horrible crinkling sound. One page was also just slightly bigger than the cover, which, yes, I am being pedantic, but it was just a very minor irritation. Also: other reviews stated there was a make-your-own-Toad with their diary; I’d have loved that to have been included!

But, as a business suggestion: Toad Diaries could make a blog planner, with space for academia and social things.


I was pleased that I chose to invest in this planner; there’s going to be a lot of changes in the next year or so, but I feel like I can conquer them now. There’s even enough room for social media RT accounts as well as my relaunch plan.  I’d also love to feature a giveaway with this really cool brand.

Would you like to see more? Because here are some pretty cool reviews from other Bloggers.

what do you think? Would you invest with Toad Diaries?  Click here to buy a diary.

Lydia

XO

Staying organised: a how-to guide of tips.


Although nearly always a semi-rhetorical question, a lot of people ask me “how are you so organised?” I use my planner extensively, and it allows me to keep control of many things-being a blogger, student, columnist, as well as progressing on in further education. So, for this post, I want to share a few tips about what to do and what not to do, in keeping organised.

  • Do keep a planner, and take it with you everywhere-just stick it in a bag, or under an arm. You don’t have to decorate it, but it can keep track of so many things.
  • Don’t overpack it, however. As you can see, there is not enough space in the planner in the photo-and it was one of the main reasons why that I wished to upgrade it. But on a serious note, it looks all very daunting, doesn’t it?!
  • Do colour code! This will allow you to see what needs to be done, and often months in advance.
  • Do have a wall calendar. (But if you have personal appointments ,also keep it private.) I find that, visually, if anything is stuck in a place I always look at, I will be more likely to remember and recall the information.
  • Don’t get bogged down in all of the finer detail. You can decorate, but that can deviate from the point.
  • Do set reminders on your phone.
  • Do create lists!!
  • Don’t plan every little detail to the inane, such as using a timetable to track your movements, hour by hour. This really frustrates me at times, because I know I have other commitments-I.e a social life!-and then it feels like I have not accomplished what I set out to do. It’s a crushing feeling.
  • Don’t take on other people’s organisation. And yes, I guess I am a hypocrite for writing this-but it drives me mad, I have enough to be worrying about.
  • Do have fun with your organisation!

What are your tips for organisation?

Lydia

XO

***

I am pleased to announce that I am working with Basic Beauty Tools. If you go to their website via this link , and order the Spongedry, you can get an extra free foundation blender by adding under ‘Note To Seller’ your colour code: LYDIAPINK for pink, LYDIAPURPLE for purple, and LYDIABLACK for black.

15 thoughts I have when and to do with blogging…

We all have thoughts whilst blogging, don’t we? For today’s post, I thought I’d share five of my thoughts.

  1. *Sees new blogger on Twitter* “Maybe a guest post week would be fun? They could be one of the guests-a perfect thing for them!”
  2. “WHY are you rejecting me?? WAAAHHH” -On a brand that declares that I am too small a Blogger to have ever graced their presence.
  3. “Twitter is important. Twitter is everything. Twitter keeps this little space going. My blog would not exist without Twitter.”
  4. “I wish I was like…” (insert the names of many Bloggers here.)
  5. “Why do people live tweet police dramas?”-on Line Of Duty.
  6. “Maybe I should post extracts of my new novel?”
  7. “I wish I could earn a decent fee from Blogging, and that brands would pay me…”
  8. “WHY ON EARTH did I decide to post daily?!?!”
  9. *Anger at people who follow/unfollow me constantly*
  10. “How could I have used up another ten percent of my free photo storage space, when I only uploaded another TEN photos?!”
  11. “I loovvvveee freebies. This is why I blog..”
  12. ‘Not really!!”
  13. “Maybe I should start a Facebook page?”
  14. “This is all too much hard work”
  15. *Repeat all again*

What thoughts do you have whilst blogging?

Lydia

XO

***

I am pleased to announce that I am working with Basic Beauty Tools. If you go to their website via this link , and order the Spongedry, you can get an extra free foundation blender by adding under ‘Note To Seller’ your colour code: LYDIAPINK for pink, LYDIAPURPLE for purple, and LYDIABLACK for black.

On hateful language in politics, and some ideas about reforming a system. 

Prior to taking Politics for my A-levels, I was warned that it would make me a cynic; whilst I’d describe myself as being sceptical, I’m not really apathetic. Today is a year on from that referendum; rather than commenting on Brexit or Bremain, I wanted to analyse the actual mechanics of the Referendum-thereby suggesting possible reform.

Parliamentary Sovereignty.

Because of the concept of parliamentary sovereignty, Referendums aren’t common. We had: the common market vote (1975), AV for MP’s (2011), Scottish independence (which England couldn’t vote in), and Brexit (2016). Although not necessarily binding, we still have the First Past The Post system, giving a majority, and also a mandate because of it, to Parliament. The reform here needs to be less of a fragmented system-because the results will be disputed otherwise, because generally speaking, it’s only two percent either way.

Collective responsibility.

Basically: the cabinet is obliged to work with the PM in public on policy. Once inside the cabinet rooms, they can disagree, but once public, it’s generally advised to be in line with the PM. But for this referendum, it was suspended, which I found a bit odd: surely our leaders should be unbiased, and not promoting another agenda? I would like to see secret ballots instead, without the need for campaigning-and also because it got to be so misleading. (Voters don’t need lies! They need truth!)

The question needs to have the implication.

Generally speaking, we are all opinionated. And we vote on those opinions we hold dear-whether it’s pro big buisness, against unions, etc. But to have a simple yes/no balloted paper does not give the implication of what happens otherwise, lest the result swing the other way. Because of the way his position had been undermined, David Cameron resigned from being PM. With that is a leadership election, new cabinet-so much transition. And I feel as if this was not really understood at the time. We need possibly implications, and procedures in place.

The way voted for.

Ostensibly, this referendum may have been a protest vote-along the lines of “vote the other way, we’ll shake the establishment”. This is not good because if true, it is not truly representative. Politics is about you, the people-and we only have the chance to show what we want every once in a while. We shouldn’t be voting like this.

But a note about mandates.

The majority vote gives the government a mandate. Simple as.

Hate crime is still inexcusable.

On reading that hate crime had rocketed after the referendum, I was truly disgusted. Brexit was a vote about whether the UK wanted to stay in a political organisation-not about hate! (The rhetoric of some leaders was awful; this was a vote about an organisation. ) And surely EU citizens and immigrants still have every right to live here!? We need them. We’d be silly to think so otherwise.

If there is a oddity of reaction-what I’m calling this reaction-but I would still like this to be called out.

 

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I am pleased to announce that I am working with Basic Beauty Tools. If you go to their website via this link , and order the Spongedry, you can get an extra free foundation blender by adding under ‘Note To Seller’ your colour code: LYDIAPINK for pink, LYDIAPURPLE for purple, and LYDIABLACK for black.

“Should blogs be political?”

Well….we live in politically interesting times, don’t we?*

An issue that I’ve seen floating around on several blogs is; “Should blogs be political?” And, if I’m completely honest, I’m a bit divided about this. Therefore, for this post, I wanted to weigh up the pros and cons, and for people to decide whether they should or shouldn’t be in the comments:

The pros:

Well, it’s always good when we discuss politics, isn’t it? We can’t allow for politics to divide us-and by talking about it, we aren’t. We’re also spreading awareness, accounting for a lack of education on some parts-such as informing people who aren’t aware of how to vote, and who don’t know how to fill out a ballot paper. Democracy in progress, right?

The cons:

I study politics, so I guess that I’m not very typical as an example. But some posts can be a little bit misleading. Do we nearly need to go on about ‘Tory scum’, for instance? Do we really need to push our opinions on to other people? No, we don’t, because it’s inaccurate, unfair, and lazy in spreading awareness.

Conclusion:

I like that bloggers such as myself are spreading awareness, but I’m also a little bit fearful of being mislead or being misleading.

What do you think? Leave your thoughts in the comments!

Untitled design

* I’m writing this the day that Theresa May announced a possible snap election.

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I am pleased to announce that I am working with Basic Beauty Tools. If you go to their website via this link , and order the Spongedry, you can get an extra free foundation blender by adding under ‘Note To Seller’ your colour code: LYDIAPINK for pink, LYDIAPURPLE for purple, and LYDIABLACK for black.